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2021/04/19 00:00:00

How to Handle Marital Conflict

April 12, 2021 — There is only one person in the world that you will get along with 100% of the time and that’s you!  That’s right, you will always get along with you.  You will be patient with you.  You will care for you.  You will forgive you.  This means that anyone other than you will be a challenge because there’s only one you.  This is especially true in marriage, when opposites often attract.   So marital conflict should be expected.

The real question is how do you respond when conflict happens? Do you confront or avoid?  Do you talk it out or walk it off?  Do you blow up or shut down? All of us have a conflict management style, but does it help or hurt your marriage?  

Here are a couple of helpful tips the next time you have marital conflict…

Recognize It Starts and Stops With Expectations

Everyone expects their marriage to be enjoyable! I suppose this is why we even get married, because we enjoy the company of our spouse. This is usually what draws us to certain people and not others.  I don’t think this is earth shattering news, so enough said.

But everyone should also expect marriage to become a challenge. That’s right, any healthy or growing marriage will be challenging which means there will be conflict. In fact, it will require conflict. This is actually called stage two in Group Development Theory and is always necessary to grow deeper in your relationship. This means that marital “conflict” can actually be a good thing and reflect a positive direction in your marriage. If your response is to withdraw at this stage, you will never experience the deeper blessing of a loving marriage and will always remain at stage 1 (superficial levels).  When a marriage enters the conflict stage, it simply means both parties are trying to resolve their differences and go to a deeper level.  No one likes conflict, agreed? But if you expect conflict as a necessary part of any healthy and growing marriage, you will go a long way in experiencing the type of relationship God intended for you.

Willingly Admit Where You Are Wrong

Matthew 7:4-5  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

The old adage “it takes two to tango” is pretty spot-on during any marital conflict or argument. When we argue it is because there is some level of guilt on both sides. This doesn’t mean both parties have an equal amount of guilt, but it does mean there is some level of shared responsibility.

God’s winning strategy requires that you humbly recognize and acknowledge your own areas of guilt first before being quick to point out the faults of others. This will keep your pride in check! You will find that when you are quick to own your own stuff first, your spouse will be more inclined to do the same. This is also where you will experience God’s true healing and restoration.

Practice Patience in the Process

1 Thessalonians 5:14And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.

Practicing patience during the conflict stage actually becomes your key to success. Marital conflict is like a fire and we can either stoke the fire or keep it under control by our response. When you patiently allow your spouse to share their challenges and expectations with you, it’s actually helping them to avoid the “heat” and allowing them to pass through this stage at a quicker pace. Patience will also help you better understand what your spouse is thinking and learn how they process for the future.  The result will be deeper devotion (i.e. stage three) and greater unity together

But this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to handling marital conflict in your marriage. The PCC Mastering Marriage Conference will provide even more insight and practical tips to help your marriage be the best it can be! To get on the Conference email list, click below.

Meygan & Casey of

Marriage365 Share

Communication Tips

for Your Marriage!

April 5, 2021 — Meygan and Casey share that early on in their marriage, avoiding issues was a major reason why they were heading straight for a divorce. Now they are hosting marriage conferences around the country.  What was the secret?  What made the difference? At the PCC Mastering Marriage Conference they will provide the formula for success.  Don’t miss it! To get on the Conference email list, click below.


The Winning Formula

for Great Communication

>March 29, 2021 — The Bible deals with the topic of communication head-on and gives many important tips to help achieve better communication with your spouse.  Here are two simple things you can start applying today!  

1. Listen More Than You Talk

James 1:19-20 – Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Being a good listener is more important than being a good talker. Why? Because if you are listening you are learning.  If you are learning then you are able to understand what is being said and properly respond. 

Being a good listener takes a lot of discipline and practice.  It also takes asking questions and fighting the temptation to quickly respond.  Often an argument can be a simple misunderstanding. But the only way to know the difference is to listen, listen, and continue listening! It’s important to understand that listening to someone is very different than hearing them.  It’s paying attention to not only what is being said, but how it is being said.  What are the emotions, tone, and mood that are being communicated?  This is taking a deeper dive into the conversation than simply hearing someone speak.  This is where great communication takes place.  But being a good listener doesn’t happen overnight.  It takes discipline and practice. The more you practice, the better you will be at preventing emotionally charged or hurtful encounters from taking place.  

2. Speak in a Caring Way

Proverbs 15:1-2  A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.

This is the “how” part of communication and making sure you speak in a way that can be heard, rather than venting or making yourself feel better. An argument can accelerate at a rapid rate when people feel disrespected, unloved, or hurt by “how” you are talking. God wants us to be respectful, calm, and patient with one another. How you speak will either bring about pain or peace. It’s a choice! It requires emotional maturity and dependence on the Lord, but the more you intentionally step into this practice, the better the communication you will experience in your marriage.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to marital communication.  Learn more about how to better communicate with your spouse at the PCC Mastering Marriage Conference. To get on the Conference email list, click below.

Can You Relate?

March 23, 2021 — Listen to Jeremy and Melinda reflect on marriage in 2021! They talk date nights, biggest challenges and what advice they would give to their younger selves.

This is just a tip of the iceberg ! The PCC Mastering Marriage Conference will provide even more insight and practical tips to help your marriage be the best it can be! To get on the Conference email list, click below.

The Key to a Happy

& Intimate Marriage

March 15, 2021 — Anyone who has been married for a few years can testify that when a marriage is good, it’s awesome! But when it’s bad, it really hurts!  I think it’s safe to say that no one gets married to hurt, yet we can find ourselves in some very painful situations.  Could it be something we are doing or not doing that prevents the happiness and intimacy part from flourishing? Answer?  Yes!  The Bible addresses this head-on and gives us the key to a happy and intimate marriage:

1. Stop Being an Avoider

Matthew 5:23-24 – if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

Jesus made it clear that Christians are to be proactive in keeping relationships healthy. In fact, He said don’t go to church if you are in conflict with someone until you have gone to them and tried to work it out. This is counterintuitive. Often when we experience a relational breakdown, the immediate response is to avoid. We simply don’t want to be around that person until he or she changes, apologizes, or comes groveling back. This is especially true within the context of a marriage and when you don’t think an argument is your fault!

Yet, Jesus said, it doesn’t matter whose fault it is, it’s about making things better by being a proactive peacemaker.
When we avoid, we are actually going to make things worse. In fact, happiness and intimacy will be replaced with anger and bitterness.  It will start infecting your entire marriage. 

So if you’re playing the “avoid” card, stop immediately and start talking to your spouse.

2. Stop Being a Finger-Pointer

Matthew 7:3-5 – “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

Jesus continues His discussion about relationships by highlighting “how” we talk to one another. He says you must first take responsibility for your own actions and attitude before you talk to someone else about theirs. In other words, instead of pointing the finger at your spouse, you must first point the finger at yourself.  When we look at ourselves first, there’s humility and a settling that takes place. Then we bring a more balanced and less volatile perspective to the discussion rather than reacting out of anger or frustration.  Usually, the most intimate times occur when a husband and wife are able to own their part in the struggle and articulate it in a heartfelt way without pointing fingers.

So if you are playing the “finger-pointing” card, stop immediately and recognize the ways you have contributed to the current struggle.

3. Stop Being a Gossip

 Proverbs 11:13 – A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret. 

When marriages become challenging, there is a tendency to want to vent to friends or family members. Selfishly, we try to bolster our position or even find gratification in hearing others commiserate with our struggle. This doesn’t do anything to help, and only betrays the confidence and intimacy of a marriage.  It also starts a gossip chain that will make matters worse in the long run. 

On the other hand, scripture says if you are going to talk to someone other than your spouse about your struggle, it should be God.

James 5:16 – Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed

Including God will have a direct impact because only He can do a supernatural work that goes beyond you. He can provide spousal insight, perspective, and healing in ways you never thought possible.  

So if you are playing the “gossip” card, stop immediately and talk to God.

Avoiding these three areas will go a long way in developing a happy and intimate marriage.  But this is just the tip of the iceberg!  Don’t miss the upcoming PCC Mastering Marriage Conference, where you will discover even more practical tips and insight to experience a happy and intimate marriage.

The Secret to a

Successful Marriage

March 8, 2021 — Pastor Mark and Susan do a Q+A for our Marriage Monday this week! Check out these great nuggets of wisdom and insight on the secret to a successful marriage as they share their learnings on being married for almost 39 years.

This is just a tip of the iceberg when it comes to a successful marriage. The PCC Mastering Marriage Conference will provide even more insight and practical tips to help you marriage be the best it can be! To get on the Conference email list, click below.

How to Build “True Love”

in Your Marriage

March 1, 2021 — I believe you first have to start by defining love.  Since God is our creator, the topic of love is something He is very familiar with. In fact, the Bible says, “God is love”! (1 John 4:16) So here are a couple of bible truths to help guide our true love discussion:

1. True Love Takes Sacrifice

John 15:12-13 “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than he lay down his life for his friends.

Jesus made it very clear that true love is going to take sacrifice. He not only talked about it, but demonstrated it on the cross.  True love is going to take laying down your life in practical and emotional ways. This is why saying, “I love ice cream” should be very different than “I love my wife”. There is no sacrifice in eating ice cream, but it takes a tremendous amount of sacrifice to give up of yourself to love your spouse in a way that protects and provides for them.

True love requires a sacrifice of time, effort, money, personal happiness and comfort.

It’s an unconditional love that gives without getting back. This means that it will sometimes feel unfair or unsatisfying. Let’s face it, the idea of “laying down your life” doesn’t sound or feel very good. Yet, this is the secret sauce of a loving marriage and the more it is practiced, the more blessing will follow. 

2. True Love Doesn’t Give Up

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 – Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Once again, if biblical love is sacrificial, it also implies a lasting love. In other words, if you think about superficial love, it’s always usually rooted in what you get rather than what you give. I love ice cream because of what I get! When it stops satisfying my sweet tooth, I stop loving it. But if you think of true love in terms of giving rather than getting, it isn’t temperamental or short lived.

Of course, everyone wants to feel loved and receive love, but if this is the only condition, it won’t last. This is why we see couples making lifetime commitments on their wedding day and then getting a divorce a few years later. They have misunderstood the concept of an enduring love (“for better or for worse”), to mean as long as I feel loved.  The more married couples accept their love for one another will be tested and the need to stick with it, the more they will experience the true love that God intended. 

But this is just a tip of the iceberg when it comes to developing true love in your marriage. The PCC Mastering Marriage Conference will provide even more insight and practical tips to help you marriage be the best it can be! To get on the Conference email list, click below.

Frequently Asked Questions

  • What topics will be covered?
    Session 1- Steps to Heal Your Marriage.  Session 2 – Building Emotional Intimacy & Connection. Session 3 – How to Improve Communication. Each session will also include a time of Q+A.
  • When and how can I view the sessions?
    Once you register you will receive an email confirmation. Each Monday you will be emailed a code to view the video session for that week (Session 1 – Monday, April 26th; Session 2 – Monday, May 3rd; and Session 3 – Monday, May 10th).
  • Do I have to watch on Monday?
    No, the video session will be available each Monday and will stay available for you to watch at your convenience.
  • Will the sessions be available to view after the conference?
    Yes, your access code will allow you to view the entire conference until June 30th, 2021.
  • Can I purchase one session rather than all three?
    No, the conference is only available as an entire package.
  • Can I share my access code with friends and family?
    No, we are doing our best to keep the cost of the conference as affordable as possible.  Therefore, we are asking everyone who views the conference to purchase their own access code.
  • Do I need special computer software or operating system to view the conference?
    No, the conference is made available on a platform to accommodate both PC and MAC.
  • Can I get a refund if I purchase the conference and then end up changing my mind?
    Unfortunately, we don’t gave the capacity to offer refunds.  Therefore, all purchases are final.

Mastering Marriage Conference Starting April 26th (Online)

Take your marriage to the next level by attending PCC’s Mastering Marriage Conference Online, hosted by Casey and Meygan Caston of Marriage365.

Topics Include:

  • Intimacy
  • Communication
  • Conflict Resolution…and more!